Our society is obsessed with weight. As women we are judged on how thin or heavy we are. It is an awful thing that we do to ourselves and others. Because of this many of us are fighting with our weight. Trying to lose or gain. I myself have had a rollercoaster ride with weight loss and gain over the past few years that has led to much frustration. It all started out with a small weight gain and an illness that turned out to be a thyroid node. I never even realised that I had gotten heavier. I am pretty oblivious and I guess I still looked okay. Looking back at old photos though I can really tell the difference a thyroid disorder makes.
I had surgery to remove my thyroid in Aug 2007 and I felt so much better and I lost a few pounds. I figured that was that and went on my merry way. Then a few months after that I started getting horrible abdominal pains and starting losing weight FAST. This was not good. At my heaviest I was a size 12, at my mid weight I was a size 8 (and pretty happy to be there) I eventually lost so much I went to a size 0. Yep, a size 0.
Took a year and a half and a second opinion to find out that I had gallstones. I had surgery last June and did awesome afterwards. Now I have started to gain weight. I am happy because I was not at a good weight before. I was too thin and it was just not good with my bones sticking out BUT, there is a part of my brain that is freaking out! It is saying "What, are you insane to be gaining weight?" I have to keep shutting that tiny voice up and telling myself that I am fine, that it is okay that some of my clothes do not fit now. I can buy a bigger size and it is just fine. I feel that I have been brainwashed to a certain extent by all those weight loss commercials and my quest to be HEALTHY is being sidetracked by the media's bombardment of advertisements to be thin. Seriously, I should just want to feel good, right? At this point if I hear one more spokesperson tell me how they lost weight on their sponsor's program I am going to shoot my television and eat an entire chocolate cake!